Being an eloquent speaker can take you far in life. In this article, we share some techniques that can help you become a better, more eloquent speaker.
How eloquent you are strongly influences your relationships. It also indirectly affects your self-esteem and your ability to deal with conflict. Speaking skills are about more than the image you’re trying to project to the world. Expressing yourself properly is important.
Language and expression are directly related to thoughts and emotions. If you’re confused about what you think, or you experience very intense and volatile emotions, it’ll be harder for you to be articulate.
Being eloquent doesn’t necessarily mean that you talk a lot or that you’re always carrying the conversation. In fact, people who have a hard time letting others talk are often rejected by a group.
The best thing is to develop your speaking skills so that you can say what you think in a precise way at the most opportune time. Here are some recommendations that could help you be more eloquent.
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
Meditate and Listen to Be More Eloquent
Meditation is one of the best ways to clarify and organize your thoughts. Consequently, it’s also a good way to improve your speaking abilities. But don’t worry, you don’t have to become a Tibetan monk to reap the benefits of meditation. Breathing deeply and trying to clear your mind a few minutes a day can have a surprisingly profound effect on your well-being.
Over time, this practice will help you think in a calmer and more accurate way. It can also help you slowly clear out irrelevant thoughts that are just taking up space. A more clear and focused mind is the foundation for being an articulate speaker.
Listening is another crucial element if you want to get better at expressing yourself. It improves your communication capacity and helps establish a bond with others. If other people feel listened to, they’ll probably listen to you as well.
Read, Write, and Say What You Think
Reading is important for enriching your vocabulary and distills the intuitive knowledge of linguistic structures. It’s something that happens without you realizing it. Good novels, essays, or poems put you in touch with pure kinds of language, which increases your chances of speaking in an eloquent and articulate way.
Writing helps organize and record ideas. To write, you need some kind of order. Often, that order comes along with the need to put your thoughts on paper. In that sense, when it comes the time to express yourself, you’ll be more confident because you’ll have already written out your ideas.
On the other hand, you also have to learn to trust your own voice. So, try not to nitpick through every little sentence or change what you wrote until it feels artificial and cold. If your thoughts are clear and you’re ready to express them, don’t stay quiet. Don’t censor yourself unless there’s a really good reason to. Silencing yourself can be really damaging in the long run.
Simplicity, Respect, and Emotion
Becoming an eloquent speaker has nothing to do with using big and complicated words. Nor does it mean that you have to be formal and fake in your interactions. The best strategy is to speak simply and directly. That gives you the best chance of being understood.
You also have to respect your listener. Learn the person’s name and use it when you speak to them. Respect also means accepting other people’s ideas, especially when they think differently from you. It’s possible to express your disagreement without being intolerant and rude.
These days, many people have the idea that effective communication has to do with staying on neutral ground. They think that being “neutral” will give them more security and autonomy. Subjective opinions have a certain negative connotation. It doesn’t have to be this way. Subjectivity is certainly valuable and you have the right to express subjective ideas to whoever you’d like.
Two Final Recommendations
A communicative and open attitude is the key to avoiding misunderstandings (or solving them). Consequently, hiding your opinions because you don’t agree with everyone else isn’t really the best idea. It’ll just make the situation tenser. If you aren’t straightforward with your opinions, eventually everything will just blow up in your face.
If you’re afraid of speaking your mind, we recommend that you make the effort to get on top of that fear. That way, not only will you be feeding other people’s self-love, but you’ll also nourish your own in some ways. Being kind and open with other people will usually make them treat you the same way.
Speaking eloquently and articulately can even make your relationships with other people more fluid and easy. It can also give you a greater sense of autonomy and freedom. Commit to better communication with yourself and others. This will have lasting, positive effects on your relationships.
The King’s Speech and communication disorders
The King’s Speech is definetely an excelent piece of art that brings us closer to a forgotten problem in films: stuttering.
Humans are social by nature. And there’s one very simple and logical reason for it: millions of years ago, we needed others to survive.
While we might not need other people as much as back then, we still need care and attention from other people. We also need self-love, from the time we’re born until we die.
Children need to feel secure, whether the feeling comes from their parents or another significant figure in their life that they have a secure attachment with. In any case, stability and trust will give them a future as emotionally strong, secure adults with healthy self-esteem.
However, it’s easy to see that very few people truly display these characteristics. Most people aren’t secure in themselves, don’t trust in their abilities, and can’t evaluate themselves realistically.
Why is it so hard to find a human who has unconditional self-love?
It seems like a lack of love, care, consideration, and respect in childhood might be the origin of low self-esteem. Other possible causes include overprotective parents, not having clear limits set, and culture.
There’s no point in blaming our insecurities on our past, our upbringing, or our parents. These things can’t be changed.
As an adult, it’s time to heal that child who lacked so much and help her love herself. No matter what other people think.
The missing piece of the puzzle: when you have little self-love
Maybe you’ve always felt like you’re missing something. Maybe you’re physically attractive, successful professionally, and have a wonderful family, and yet it still feels like something doesn’t fit. Well, it’s probably that you have little self-love.
When people have little self-love, or if it’s not unconditional, they feel like they’re missing a piece of the puzzle. They might mistakenly try to find it elsewhere, but the pieces they find never fit into the empty space.
They might keep looking for the missing piece, not realizing that they’ll only find the piece that fits if they love, accept, and embrace themselves.
There are many different reasons why one might be missing that elusive piece, some of which we mentioned above: their childhood, culture, etc. The way we grow up systematically punishes self-love, viewing it as selfish.
Children get used to rejecting compliments, talking themselves down, saying yes when they really want to say no, and a lot of other unhealthy behaviors.
We’ve always been taught that we should put other people before ourselves, but that’s false. We can’t be there for others properly if we haven’t first satisfied our own needs, if we haven’t made ourselves the priority.
If we put other people’s needs before our own, we’ll get burnt out and start to lose ourselves and everything around us.
This supposed selfishness makes us bad people and makes others reject us. Because we don’t want that to happen, we do everything we can to satisfy other people and neglect own needs.
That’s why the puzzle pieces that we do find don’t fit into our puzzle and the empty feeling remains. We aren’t loving ourselves.
When you have little self-love, what can you do to love yourself more?
To up your self-esteem, you have to start treating yourself well. One exercise you could do is write a love letter to yourself. The idea isn’t to be vain, but to be realistic. Simply show yourself that you love yourself, the way you would to other people.
It’ll surprise you how hard this exercise is, since we’re not used to praising ourselves. The little devil on your shoulder will try to tell you that you’re selfish, narcissistic, and a thousand other things. Don’t listen to it; just keep loving yourself.
It’s time to start seeing yourself more realistically. Get to know yourself: both your strengths and weaknesses. Stick to those and start to try things that you know you’re capable of.
Don’t tell yourself you can’t do it or that it won’t go well, when you know deep down that you can and it will.
As a final point, do something every day that brings you closer to your goals. If you meet one, reward yourself and be happy for yourself.
Your self-esteem will go up and you’ll see that you really can do it. But always remember that there’s no such thing as perfection.
You’ll eventually start to notice that missing puzzle piece fitting into the empty space, and you won’t feel so dependent on external factors. You won’t desperately crave love and acceptance from other people, because your own self-love will make you feel complete.
Self-Esteem and Emotional Dependence
We like to please and share things with others. But can the need for approval be harmful? Yes – in fact, it’s one of the causes of emotional dependence.